My Theory on Acceptance

We become in relation to others. Yet often the damaging relationships from childhoods ever our relationship with ourselves, at a time when that is the best possible solution for survival. In reverse, we can re-bond with our true selves in order to have healthy relationships with others.

The family system we grow up with matters in understanding ourselves. A tree in Norway grows differently than a tree in Bolivia, each specifically and significantly influenced by their environments. Similarly, our early life environment impacts how we grow. It shapes how we experience ourselves, other people, and the world. Through a process of building awareness of what we carry, about our beliefs and our relationships, we cultivate access to choice, discerning what about these internal maps we want to keep and what we want to change. The ingredients for change = wanting to +awareness + time. Neuroflexibility allows for endless change, and I think that’s on the miracles of life. We can create our conditions for growth. Whenever we choose. And or ever.

This process begins with acceptance. Acceptance provides profound foundation for change. Acceptance does not mean settling, but rather a fundamental repair of the relationship we have with ourselves, building self-esteem, actual sensation of our worth,increased self-trust, and ultimately self-love through secure attachment with self. Building this kind of relationship with ourselves supercharges our ability to have healthy and meaningful relationships with others – partners, children, friends, colleagues, strangers. In this way I believe relationship with self is a primary pathway to a healed collective.

One of the most hidden and tricky blocks to self-acceptance is shame. Shame is a natural, primary human emotion that contracts protection and cultivates belonging. However, everyone has moments of exclusion, and damage to bonds that create fundamental misunderstandings about our worthiness. These pockets of toxic shame stay with us and can manifest in many forms, from substance dependence to chronic self-criticism or perfectionism. Working with this kind of toxic shame helps us move back into contact with ourselves in a way that heals thoroughly, in ways we never thought within reach.